I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
