no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
