Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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