Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
