how can u be prego again
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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