so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
