so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
