During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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