sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
