If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
