I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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