I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
