I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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