I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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