I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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