i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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