you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think your dad took our porno
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
