:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
