don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
