put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is Oprah even human
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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