were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
