He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
