Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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