as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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