just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
