just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
