I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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