I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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