hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
