The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
