Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
