new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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