I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
