i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He has the fingertips of a God
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
