you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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