there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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