Just took my morning after pill in the library
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
