Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
