remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
