I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He passed out mid-signature
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
