the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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