He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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