I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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