is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
