I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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