Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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