living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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