you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize