I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
