i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
