**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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