hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
