I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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