11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
