My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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