My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
