ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
