oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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