i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
