Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
