Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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