sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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