I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're my little dorito
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
