I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize