I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
