He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
