I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
