My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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