When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
