she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
