I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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