so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
