I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
