i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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