I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
