i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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