I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Will exercising make me less horny?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
