you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
