I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
