What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize