it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
