I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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