i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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