And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
