the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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