i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
