I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
