Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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