Just fell off a train. Bad.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
