Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
