I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
