She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
