it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
