There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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