I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
