It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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