babies were throwing up all over the place
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
