Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
