So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need moral support for this bender
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize