do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
