Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
