i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
