Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
