i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
