when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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