so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
