haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
