hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
