I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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