It was confusing and full of hummus
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
