NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize