barbara walters just said penis...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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