Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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