we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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