You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
